...Marigold Orange "The Day of the Dead"

Somewhere between yesterday and today, between last year and this year, I have grown deeper in my capacity to endure loss.  I suppose it comes with age.  The older we get, the more relationships we’ll forge, and the more loved ones we’ll see pass away.  A big sad sigh.  It’s simple logic.

For me, this 2025 year, I have said goodbye to my mom.  She was a bona fide “feisty” force of nature, a funny “crackpot,” a talented “crochet artist,” an avid “Dutch-team” soccer fan, a “sing-along” ABBA music lover, and so much more.

But, thanks to my “spirited” 9-year-old niece and her awesomely brilliant idea, the “spirit” of my mom recently came out to play.  Hello, the beautiful, colorful, poignant holiday called “The Day of the Dead” or “El Dia de Los Muertos.”  Often referred to as “Mexico’s Halloween,” this holiday, which traces its roots back to Mexico thousands of years ago, is celebrated on November 1^st and 2^nd, and indeed enjoys similarities to spooky October 31^st Halloween, and not just for its autumnal calendar proximity.  Yes, cue those skeletons and ghosts.

However, The Day of the Dead is more of a celebration than Halloween is.  Further, it provides us “livings” a direct connection with our deceased loved ones.  It is to say, this holiday invites us to actively remember and commemorate our deceased family members, friends, and perhaps even pets, by engaging in both tangible and intangible demonstrations of love. 

How so exactly?  Tangibly speaking, set up an altar or “ofrenda” on your dining room table.  Then, adorn it with your favorite photo of your deceased loved one.  And beside that photo?  Put a little vase with bright, fragrant, optimistic orange-colored flowers called marigolds, which are said to “guide” your passed loved one during their journey to visit you on this very special holiday. 

Also string bright glowing lights along the border of your altar, and set up sweet sugar skulls and coffins.  If you like, also place meaningful mementos of your loved one, and even their favorite food, on the table.  This is their welcome home.  Indeed, make your altar a truly magnificent place for your passed loved one to return to, and to hopefully see you standing beside their photo, and perhaps reminiscing about them to another “living” who loves them.    

Oh, and you MUST have your lovely skeletal Catrina.  Call her the ULTIMATE and most well-known symbol of The Day of the Dead.  She symbolizes the inevitability of death for all of us.  No matter our race, creed, wealth status, or even our present “good health” status, one day we’re all going to look like her.  Morbid?  Yes.  But true?  Well, actually, um, yes!

But what makes Catrina so lovely, and capable of rising above all her scary, deathly boniness, is that she really is just so beautiful.  She embodies, quite literally, a beautiful darkness which helps us look at death in a multi-faceted way.  Death doesn’t only have to be about loss.  It can be about peace for our deceased loved one.  Or, it can be about happiness for the living family member when they remember their deceased loved one.  Death can be about so much.  Each person who has passed on has had their own unique spirit and life story that once touched us, and we can now honor that person on The Day of the Dead, proving that death can unite us just as life does.

I have my Catrina from my business trip to Mexico in 2008 (when I met Mexican Prez Felipe Calderon!).  My Catrina has a purple and pink dress, a fancy pink shawl, elegant earrings and necklace, and a simply wonderful big hat, adorned with lace and a feather.  She’s so glamourous!  How happy I was to unveil her for my first Day of the Dead celebration this year.  I hope she enjoyed herself.   I think she did.  (Wink.)

Additionally, see if you can purchase one “The Day of the Dead” bread or “el pan de Muerto” at your local Mexican specialty grocery store.  Like Catrina, this bread has fascinating symbolism.  I found myself staring at mine to locate all its little symbols.  It was very neat.  Bonus, it’s a delicious “sweet” bread, so it goes perfectly with tea, coffee, or really anything.

Now intangibly speaking, The Day of the Dead is super-simple, and the intangible is really and truly what this holiday is all about.  Call it the crown jewel of the celebration, or better yet, the pretty feather in Catrina’s hat.  The Day of the Dead welcomes us to tell stories about our deceased loved ones alongside our fellow party patrons.  Sit around the altar and remember your deceased loved one’s personality, their strengths and weaknesses, their favorite drink.  (My mom loved a Bloody Mary!)  Even remember that crazy haircut of theirs from 1982, or that awful holiday sweater.  The Day of the Dead is about the good, the bad, and the ugly, and everything in between.  Before you know it, you’ll hopefully be laughing through your tears. 

And finally, if you choose, have a quiet moment with your loved one.  Speak to them in your head.  Say a prayer for them and wish them well.  Let them know that you loved them with all your heart when they were alive, and that you still love them just as much now that they’re gone.  Their memory and light will never dim. 

Also tell them that you will meet them next year, at this very same time, and at this very same beautiful altar, surrounded by bright orange marigolds and warmth.  Yes, The Day of the Dead is my new favorite holiday.  Mom, I miss you, but I am so happy that I have a new way to celebrate you and show you my love.  

This post is dedicated to my niece, Charlotte. Thank you, Charlotte, for introducing our family to The Day of the Dead. You are a true "Char-Star!"